What Marriage (and Life) is REALLY About

I recently ran across Seth Adam Smith's post Marriage Isn't For You. Thinking that this was another of those worldly denouncements of all that is good in life I almost didn't read it. Well, I'm glad I did. Especially when I read a response article on another website. This other post sits on the edge of what I had feared the first to be. The author takes Seth's realization to an extreme and basically calls it detrimental to marriage.

So, what am I getting at with this post?

First, ideals are worth living for whether they are obtainable in this life or not. And I believe that the best ideals are more realistic and more obtainable than society gives them credit for being. Our society is losing the vision of living for ideals and the grace of allowing others to do the same.

Second, marriage is a thing of faith and work. No, you will not have all the answers before you get married, even if you wait until you're 99. And, no, you will not magically understand everything about marriage and families once you are married. You've got to move forward despite this lack of knowledge. It'll take work, hard work, but it'll be worth it.

Lastly, living for ideals in your marriage is not stupid or blind or any of those things that the world will tell you. Why can't family life be happy? Why can't couples never argue? Why can't each spouse place the other's concerns at the forefront of their lives? Why shouldn't spouses sacrifice to be at home more? Really, what is wrong with any of this? Just because it is hard, doesn't make it impossible. Just because too many families in the world are marred by sadness, abuse, contention, or selfishness, doesn't mean that the family you raise has to be. Happiness is a choice. All people can choose happiness or misery: life or captivity.


I cannot believe in any other way of living. If I don't have hopes, dreams, and ideals, then why would I work every day to be a better man than I was the day before? Why bother? Without vision, life isn't worth living.

So find a vision, however dim, of what you want your life to be like. Then never, never, give up on that vision. You may make mistakes along the way. It might be three steps forward and two steps back. You might be on top of the world one day and in the dumps the next. WHATEVER happens, always turn back towards your goal and try again. Because in the end you either make the effort or you don't. It's your choice.

Choose happiness.

Standing For Something: 10 Virtues

In light of my return home and the things that I've learned (and hopefully become) on my mission, I want to start a series of posts based on President Gordon B. Hinckley's book "Standing For Something."  These posts will hopefully serve as a successful transition from my full-time missionary work to my personal life at home.

These posts will touch on faith, hope, charity and love, service, and becoming, among other virtues.  My hope is that these posts will bless you, the reader, and help you strive for and obtain the best within you.

The virtues that President Hinckley writes about are as follows:

1. Love
2. Honesty
3. Mortality
4. Civility
5. Learning
6. Forgiveness and Mercy
7. Thrift and Industry
8. Gratitude
9. Optimism
10. Faith

President Hinckley also discusses two gaurdians of virtue: Marriage and the Family.

It has been a little while since I have read the book, so I ask for your patience as I work on these posts.  As I finish each post I will add links to them from this post.

Obey and Honor the Law of the Land

Because of the presidential candidacy of a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints there have been lots of questions and concerns about the Church's involvement in the political process.

The Church does not endorse any political candidate, nor does it tell its members how to vote.  The Church stands by the doctrine of moral agency: that all men are free to act for themselves according to their conscience and best judgement.  The church urges its members in all nations to be active in their communities and in their respective political processes, when and where it is lawful for them to do so.

Although the Church will not endorse candidates or dictate its members' votes, it has and will make its position clear on moral issues.  For instance the definition of marriage is a vital part of the doctrine of the Church and, more importantly, of Christ.  Indeed, the family unit is the fundamental unit of the Church, the community, the nation, and the world.



Governments are instituted of God for our benefit.  We should be willing to fulfill our responsibilities towards our governments.  Examples of these responsibilities include serving on juries and paying taxes; for without jurors we could not enjoy our right to trial by our peers and without taxes our public roads, buildings, the police, and the firemen would not be available.  These responsibilities help insure our rights and protection.

The proper role of government is to protect the natural rights of man.  We are thus obliged to support our governments and seek to sustain leaders and policies that will protect those rights.  Governments should not dictate religious belief.  Similarly, a church or religious organization should not exercise civil authority.  To allow either of these scenarios would be to try and force men to act in a certain manner regardless of their personal conscience or agency.  Thus the natural rights of man would be subdued or destroyed.  We should seek to uphold the religious freedom that ensures morality without dictating the laws of the land.  Lastly, sedition and rebellion are unbecoming of every citizen whose natural rights are protected by their government.  (see Doctrine and Covenants 134)

Live the Law of Chastity

Many people often treat morality and moral actions as subjective and relative to society's current mainstream beliefs.  We know, however, that that standard is no standard at all, but rather a slippery slope that brings a lasting sense of shame and guilt to the lives of its practitioners and believers.

It is the fixed moral standards of God that remain steady and sure.  It is His standards that bring us peace and true happiness in this life.  Chastity is the Lord's standard and expectation for us.

Chastity includes abstinence from sexual relations before marriage and complete faith and fidelity to one's spouse within marriage.  Marriage is necessarily a union between a man and a woman to fulfil God's purposes in establishing families and bringing His children to earth.  Strive to protect the God-given procreative power.  As you live a chaste life you will enjoy trusting and confident relationships with family and friends.  You will develop greater self-control and personal strength.

To be chaste requires that we strive to keep not only our actions clean, but also our words, thoughts and appearance.  The way we speak and dress reflects our personal convictions and thoughts.  It reflects who we are and what we want to become.  We should dress modestly.  We should use clean, wholesome, and uplifting language.  We should direct our thoughts away from the impure and unclean and towards that which lifts the soul and helps us remember Christ.



Avoid pornography in ALL its forms, whether visual or written or otherwise.  It will as surely enslave you as any other addiction would.  It will destroy self-respect and endanger or ruin relationships with those you love.  It is NEVER safe to indulge in anything that is even slightly pornographic.  Learn to remove and replace undesired thoughts when temptation arises.  A memorized hymn or scripture can go a long ways in helping us control our thoughts.

As we strive for continuing cleanliness and purity the Lord will help us.  Through Christ's Atonement we can have the strength we need to live according to God's standards.

Keep the Ten Commandments

The Lord gives us commandments to teach us how to serve Him and how to treat those around us.  Some of the most well-known of these commandments are the 10 commandments.  These commandments are still in force today.  Obeying them will bring the promised blessings of happiness and peace in this life.

Quoting from Exodus 20:3-17 (see also Mosiah 12:33-37 and Mosiah 13:11-24), the 10 commandments are as follows:

• "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." (verse 3)  Other gods may include our money, our position or power in life, or our possessions.
• "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image..." (v. 4)
• "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain..." (v. 7)  Clean, wholesome language is pleasing to God.  It also reflects our personal values. Language that makes light of sacred things or that degrades others is demoralizing and demeaning; not just to others, but to our own soul as well.
• "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God..." (v. 8-10)  Our worship and activities on the Sabbath reflect our personal commitment to follow the Lord.  We should lay aside the entertainment and activities of the week and focus on spiritual, family, and service centered activities.
• "Honor thy father and thy mother..." (v. 12)  The family is the basic unit of society.  More importantly it is a central part of God's Plan of Salvation.  Strive to love and serve your family.
• "Thou shalt not kill." (v. 13)  Violence in any form drives away the Spirit.  Pay attention to your personal attitudes and actions towards others.  Also consider the content of the media that you spend your time on.
• "Thou shalt not commit adultery." (v. 14)  Immorality is just as dangerous to our welfare as any other sin, vice, or disease.  We should decide now to be chaste.
• "Thou shalt not steal." (v. 15)
• "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor." (v. 16)  We should be completely honest in all our doings.  As we strive for honesty we will be recognized as someone who has integrity and is trustworthy; someone whom the Lord can trust.
• "Thou shalt not covet..." (v. 17)

As we honestly strive to obey God's Commandments we will learn of their truthfulness. (see John 7:17)  Choose this day to serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)



Agency and the Fall of Adam and Eve

Adam and Eve were the first of God's children on this world.  God created them in His image and placed them in the Garden of Eden. (Genesis 1:26-27; 2:8)  Adam and Eve lived in a state of innocence without pain, sickness or sorrow.  But they also didn't have a full understanding of joy or happiness.

God gave them their agency, the ability to choose for themselves.  He also gave them commandments.  One of these was to not partake of the forbidden fruit -- the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. (2 Nephi 2:15-16)

Satan came and tempted Adam and Eve to trangress God's commandment.  They followed satan's temptings and partook. (2 Ne. 17-19)  Thus they trangressed and fell.  Pain, sickness and death came into the world.  Adam and Eve were able to sin.  Adam and Eve were now also able to choose good and right and to have children and raise a family. (2 Ne. 2:22-23)  They could be happy in this life. (see 2 Ne 2:25)

God knew Adam and Eve would fall. (2 Ne. 2:24)  God knew it was necessary for them so that they could fully know good from evil and choose for themselves.  He provided a way for the fall to be overcome.  He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to pay the price for our sins and to die for us. (2 Ne. 2:26)

Because of the fall we have moral agency.  Good and bad are before us.  We "are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil." (2 Ne 2:27)  We can learn and progress in this life.  Through the plan of redemption we can exercise faith and repent and be brought back to our Father by Christ's grace. (Alma 22:12-14)

The Gospel Blesses Families

God has given us families in this life.  The Gospel can help us be happy in our families.  We can learn of Christ and live the way He lived.

The gospel will bring families closer together.  It will help them have good times together and enjoy each other's company.  Children will get along and will respect their parents and each other.  The parents will show love and respect for their children.  Together the whole family can learn and grow.  They will have opportunities to help each other overcome weaknesses.  They will be able to make it through hard times together and find strength that they otherwise might not know.

I know all this because I have seen it in my own family.  My parents taught us the gospel in our home.  They were an example to us in living it.  I learned patience, love and respect from watching my parents and listening to their counsel.  Granted I'm still not as patient, loving, or kind as I always want to be, but I know these Christlike attributes because I first learned them in my family.

How did my parents know what to teach us?  How did they know the Gospel of Jesus Christ?  They knew in the same ways that faithful followers of Christ have always known: through the words of the Prophets, both past and present.

God Is Our Loving Heavenly Father

To understand the faith of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints one must answer the question: "Who is God?".  The answer is so simple, yet so many people become lost as they seek to find out for themselves.

God is our Loving, Heavenly Father.  He is a personage with perfect love for us.  He has a body of flesh and bones and He created us after the pattern of His body. (Genesis 1:26-27)  He understands us because He made us.  We are literally His spirit Children and we lived with Him before this life.  His goal for us after this life is to return to live with Him.

If He loves us, then why are we away from home in the first place?  God understood that we needed to come to this earth to experience the opposition of good and evil.  We needed to be tested and given the opportunity to choose to follow God. (2 Nephi 2:27-28)

God knew we would make mistakes and would need a way to be redeemed.  So God sent His Son, Jesus Christ. (John 3:16-17)  As we follow Christ and His Gospel we are led back to the Father.

Not only can we be happy after this life, but we can also have joy in the journey.  God has ordained families to help us accomplish this.

Sexual Purity

Faithful members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints live what is known as the Law of Chastity.  This law is a commandment from God and includes complete abstinence from sex before marriage and complete fidelity within marriage.  We are not alone in this belief.  Here's a video of youth from six different faiths talking about why they chose to be sexually pure.

"Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice..."

It's that time when we get the wonderful privilege of hearing the words of God as spoken by His living Prophets and Apostles.  Twice a year in April and October the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints brodadcasts a General Conference of the church worldwide.  This conference is held in the Conference Center in Salt Lake City, Utah.  There the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles along with other church leaders assemble to address and instruct the saints around the world.  These men and women have prepared carefully and prayed to know what to say.
   As members we prepare ourselves to listen to and apply these inspired messages.  We know that the words that are spoken come from God and represent His will for us a church.  We also know that through personal and family study and prayer we can receive personal revelation concerning God's will for us as individuals and as families.

These messages aren't just for members though.  Every person in the world can and will benefit from listening to the words of God's prophets.
   As you learn about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and begin to apply and live His teachings, the Holy Ghost will bear testimony "in your mind and in your heart" (D&C 8:2).  You will see the fruits of the Spirit in your life: ^"love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance..." (Galatians 5:22-23).

"Come, listen to a prophet's voice..." (Hymns 21)

Conference will air at 12pm and 4pm Eastern Time, Saturday and Sunday, April 2nd and 3rd.  Check the Church's General Conference website for more information on how you can watch conference and what it can do for you in your life.

We Believe: For the Youth

  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a lot of emphasis is placed on teaching the youth.  Why?

Because of the importance of families.

  The family unit is central to our Heavenly Father's plan for us.  Strong families result from strong values.  If future families are going to be strong and based on eternal morals and values, then the youth now need to be taught and learn to live those morals.

And it's not just for this life.

  Before this life we lived in a family.  Each person who has come or will come to this earth is a literal spirit son or daughter of God and lived as such in His presence before this life.  Since God is a perfect, loving, heavenly Father he wanted to give us all that he has.  He has a perfect body of flesh and bone.  He has a fulness of joy and glory.

  The only way we could gain that fulness was to accept His plan for us.  We would come to this earth, receive a body, and have the chance to learn and grow as families.  We would experience trials, troubles, sickness, joy, peace, and health.  But because of the bad, we would recognize and appreciate the good.  "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things." (2 Nephi 2:11)  By faith in Christ, sincere repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of Holy Ghost, and enduring cheerfully and faithfully throughout our lives we would qualify for Christ's grace and mercy to make up the difference between our debt to justice and our best efforts.

  After this life, we will be given the glorious blessing of living with our families in God's presence if we have lived according to His plan.

So, the church teaches the youth so that the youth can one day teach their families and so that after this life those families can continue eternally.

The Family: Essential

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Gospel of Jesus Christ is all about families.  Where we came from, why we are here and where we are going all come back to the eternal importance of the family.

   Before we came to Earth we lived with God as spirits.  He was and is the perfect, loving Father of our spirits.  He wanted us to be like Him and have all the joy and happiness that He has.  In order for that to happen we needed to experience mortal life and work together in families here on Earth.  So God created the Earth and placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

   In the Garden, Adam and Eve were commanded not to partake of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. (Genesis 2:17)  But eventually they were tempted and partook of the fruit.  Because of this transgression they were cast out of the Garden of Eden.  But, at the same time, they were now able to have children and extend the blessings of mortality to the rest of God's spirit children: us.

   Having fallen, mankind would die.  We cannot save ourselves from death.  But God, knowing all things, provided a Savior for us.  This Savior was Jesus Christ.  (1 Corinthians 15:21-22)  Through His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, His death on the cross, and His Resurrection on the third day it is possible for us to return to our Heavenly Father.  Being able to regain our bodies and live again, we are also able to be with our families and those we love eternally.

I know that in the family unit is found the most joy, peace, strength and happiness that any organization or institution on this earth can offer.

Who is God and how does he show that he cares?

God is our loving Heavenly Father.  He is literally the father of our Spirits.  He is a perfect Father who wants us to be truly happy.  He wants us to have all that He has.  (Doctrine and Covenants 84:38)
   He has a body of flesh and bones. (Doctrine and Covenants 130:22)  We were created in His image. (Genesis 1:26-27)

He shows His love for us by allowing us the privilege of being in families here on Earth.  I understand that many people do not have the best family life.  But that does not keep you from having your own family and learning to love them.  "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ." (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)
   As we learn of Christ and teach of Him to our families we will have greater peace and less strife at home.  Whether we teach through discussion or only by example, we can have an impact on our life situation.
   Giving us the Gospel is how God shows that He cares about us.

I have always had a "functional" family.  But that does not mean we always got along.  However, as I understand more about Christ and His life, I find it easier to love my siblings and parents.  Things they do don't bother me as much.  I am more willing to listen to suggestions from younger siblings and I try not to criticize them.  I understand that my parents are trying to do what is best for me because they really do love me.

I know our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy now and forever.  I know he has established the family unit to provide that happiness.  I know that when the teachings of Christ are taught in the home there is a lasting impact that is not forgotten.
   "Learn of [Christ], and listen to [His] words; walk in the meekness of [His] Spirit, and you shall have peace in [Him]." (Doctrine and Covenants 19:23)

Who I am and why I'm "Mormon."

I am the oldest of six children.  I have 4 younger brothers and a younger sister.  My parents are still happily married after 22 years.  Our family has lived in Utah, Oregon and now Idaho.
  I enjoy good books.  Sci-fi, fantasy, historical fiction, etc....  I also really enjoy singing.  I was in choir during high school, then I was part of a barbershop quartet with 3 of my friends when I started college.  As far as college goes, I attended Brigham Young University - Idaho where I started a bachelor's degree in Chemistry.
  All of that is on hold right now because I am serving as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I have left my family and friends and set school and girls aside so that I can share the Gospel for two years.  And I'm not getting paid to do this.  I have volunteered my time and money to come out to Western New York and teach of Christ.

I have always had the blessing of knowing Christ's gospel.  But I do not think I ever fully understood what being a member of the LDS church meant.  I knew it was blessing my family and that we were happy because of it, but that was about it.  As a teenager I had to start making more decisions for myself.  Some of these decisions had to do with the way I would live my life.  I had to decide, for myself, that I would continue to live my life according to what I had been taught by my parents and the living Prophets.  It has been hard at times, but the comfort, peace, and security that have come from living the teachings of Christ have more than made up for the trials I have faced.
   Because of the personal trials I've gone through and the blessings I've received, I want to share what I know.  I want to share Christ's gospel and Heavenly Father's plan, because I know the happiness, peace and strength that comes from living in Their Way.

I know Heavenly Father loves all of us.  I know that because He loves us, He gives us prophets who teach of His Son, Jesus Christ.  I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is led by true prophets.  I know Christ is "the way, the truth, and the life." (John 14:6)